Crystal Palace 2-1 Chelsea, Man City 7-2 Stoke: clockwatch – as it happened

I’ll leave you with match reports from a dramatic day. Thanks for joining me, it’s been real. Bye!

Gary Cahill, thrust in front of the Sky microphone, just said Chelsea are “in a difficult moment”. Arsenal could force Antonio Conte’s mob out of the top four with a draw or more at Watford. Join Rob Smyth for that one:

Charlton have sealed a 1-0 win over Doncaster – that game was delayed after the referee was hurt in a collision and had to be stretchered off. We wish him well.

In Europe, Real Madrid got the job done at Getafe, while Neymar, Mbappé and co sill can’t find a breakthrough at Dijon.

In the FA Cup, Hereford are back in the first round draw after upsetting Eastleigh 2-1. Hartlepool dodged a shock with a 2-1 win over South Shields, while Shildon were ultimately overpowered at Guiseley, losing 6-0. Sutton United squeaked past Paulton 3-2 and are back in the hat for more Cup high jinks.

“Was wondering why Civil Service Strollers lost heavily in the Scottish Cup” asks Dennis Mumby. “I’ve always thought of CSS as pretty solid at the back, if a little uncreative and bureaucratic going forward.”

If they’d be willing to break into a jog, they could really go places.

In Scotland, Celtic beat Dundee 1-0, Aberdeen held on to win at Hibs, and Motherwell, Kilmarnock and Hearts all won away from home.

The big scorelines were elsewhere: it finished East Fife 5-4 Albion in League One, while in the Scottish Cup, we had Buckie Thistle 6-2 BSC Glasgow, Civil Service Strollers 0-5 Brora, Peterhead 9-0 Colville Park and Stirling Albion 3-5 Lothian Thistle.

And there was late heartbreak for Dalkurd in Sweden, who led Osters 1-0 but fell to a 2-1 defeat.

Championship

Barnsley 2-2 Middlesbrough
Bolton 2-1 Sheffield Wednesday
Brentford 1-0 Millwall
Fulham 2-2 Preston
Leeds United 0-1 Reading
Norwich City 1-1 Hull City
Sheffield United 1-0 Ipswich Town
Sunderland 1-1 QPR

League One

Bristol Rovers 0-1 Oxford United
Bury 3-1 Bradford
Charlton 1-0 Doncaster (L)
Fleetwood 2-2 Rochdale
Northampton 0-1 Wimbledon
Oldham 1-0 Blackburn
Peterborough 0-1 Gillingham
Plymouth 1-1 Shrewsbury
Portsmouth 2-0 Milton Keynes
Rotherham 2-0 Scunthorpe
Walsall 1-1 Blackpool
Wigan 3-0 Southend

League Two

Accrington 1-0 Coventry
Chesterfield 0-2 Morecambe
Colchester 0-1 Carlisle
Forest Green 0-4 Newport
Grimsby 0-0 Crawley
Lincoln 0-0 Cambridge
Luton 7-1 Stevenage
Mansfield 1-3 Swindon
Notts County 2-1 Barnet
Port Vale 3-1 Cheltenham
Wycombe 0-0 Exeter
Yeovil 2-0 Crewe

There’s late drama in the Championship too – Norwich have equalised at home to Hull, and Denis Odoi’s 96th minute goal makes it Fulham 2-2 Preston.

Cristiano gets his team out of a jam for the 300th time, firing home clinically to surely snatch the win!

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It wasn’t pretty, but Spurs get over the line at Wembley, and are sitting pretty in third place.

Michail Antonio’s goal put West Ham ahead but Andy Carroll’s busy elbows left them up against it, and Chris Wood snatched a point for the hosts.

Two goals from Tammy Abraham either side of half time as Swansea earn a welcome win.

A scoreline that speaks for itself. City have scored 29 goals in their first eight games – the most in the top flight since the 19th century.

No points, no goals in their first seven games – and in their eighth, Palace have picked off the champions! Mr Roy is grinning like a Cheshire cat, and well he might.

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Leeds win a late penalty – but Pablo Hernandez’s weak effort is saved! Luton lead Stevenage 6-1, Wigan have beaten Southend 3-0, and Oldham have snatched victory over Blackburn thanks to my new favourite footballer, Queensy Menig.

Spurs have a four-on-one breakaway but Moussa Sissoko manages to make a mess of it. Still 1-0, with time running out for Bournemouth.

Palace are holding on, with Andros Townsend spurning a chance to finish Chelsea off. Mamadou Sakho almost ruins everything moments later, trying a crafty backheel instead of the required hoof into Row Z. Cesc Fábregas so nearly got on the end of it. Oh Mamadou!

Isco has been summoned from the bench by Zinedine Zidane with Real Madrid still level at Getafe. Dijon have handled the heat so far against PSG – it’s 0-0 at half time.

Late goals in League One, as Nick Powell doubles Wigan’s lead, James Henry puts Oxford ahead at Bristol Rovers and Bury go 3-1 up at Bradford.

West Ham’s resistance falls just short, as Chris Wood climbs to head home and bring Burnley level.

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Big goal at Elland Road – and it’s gone to Reading, Modou Barrow putting the visitors in front late on.

In League One, Fleetwood were a goal and a man down at Rochdale, but Devante Cole (son of Andy) has scored his eighth league goal of the season to level things up.

In Germany, Bayern powered to a 5-0 win over Freiburg, with Robert Lewandowski and Joshua Kimmich adding late goals. In the day’s other results, Mainz beat Hamburg 3-2, Schalke won 2-0 at Hertha, Frankfurt won 2-1 at Hannover and Hoffenheim were held at home by Augsburg.

Port Vale began the day bottom of the Football League, but lead Cheltenham 3-0. In League One, leaders Shrewsbury are level at Plymouth through Shaun Whalley. Forest Green continue to look a little out of their depth – they’re 3-0 down at home to Newport.

Bernardo Silva gets his first Manchester City goal, set up by Raheem Sterling. Fair to say things are starting to click for Pep Guardiola in England.

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Jermain Defoe almost returns to haunt Spurs, forcing Hugo Lloris to save with his feet from a Jordan Ibe cross. Spurs still looking shaky at Wembley. Britt Assombalonga’s sixth of the season has got Middlesbrough level at Barnsley, while Hull are hanging on at Norwich after David Meyler’s red card.

It’s shaping up to be a decent day for the Championship’s strugglers. Bolton lead Sheffield Wednesday 2-1, Aiden McGeady has got Sunderland level at home to QPR, Reading are holding on at Leeds, and Brentford lead Millwall thanks to Romaine Sawyers.

Real’s stuttering start to La Liga is in danger of continuing, as the hosts equalise. Moments after Guaita made a fine save to deny Marcelo, Jorge Melina converts from Francisco Portillo’s pass.

Johann Berg Gudmundsson has rattled the post for Burnley, while Chelsea are getting on top at Selhurst Park, roared on by Antonio Conte. They won at Atlético Madrid; are they about to lose at Crystal Palace?

Luke Berry has a hat-trick, and Luton are bossing the derby against Stevenage. In the Scottish Cup, League Two leaders Stirling are having a day to forget - they’re 5-1 down to non-league Lothian Thistle.

Graham Carey has set up a shock in League One, putting bottom club Plymouth ahead against leaders Shrewsbury. Elsewhere, Wimbledon lead at Northampton and Portsmouth lead Milton Keynes 2-0.

Stoke must regret winding their hosts up with those two goals. Another dreamy through ball from Kevin de Bruyne, and Leroy Sané slots the ball home. City are going top, and look terrifying.

How many goals will City score this season? This is No27 already, Fernandinho strolling on to a Delph pass and blasting the ball past Butland from 30 yards.

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West Ham are a goal up and a man down, but are looking comfortable at Turf Moor, with Pedro Obiang on in place of Arnautovic. Sam Vokes is off the bench for Burnley and bringing the expected nuisance value. At Wembley, Harry Kane heads past Begovic, but is flagged offside.

Guardiola’s mob get their acts together and Gabriel Jesus gets their fourth, and his sixth in the league this season, thanks to another dazzling assist from Kevin de Bruyne. That came moments after Tom Edwards was stretchered off after an impressive debut, which is a great shame.

Sheffield United get the breakthrough at Bramall Lane, John Fleck crossing to Chris Basham, who scores his first goal in a year. Rochdale have started the second half at a fair whip – they’ve scored twice to lead Fleetwood 2-0.

In the Cup, which the FA are making impressively hard to follow, South Shields lead Hartlepool 1-0 at half-time, Sutton are being held by Paulton Rovers on their sloping pitch, and Hereford lead 2-0 at Eastleigh.

Dijon v PSG has kicked off, prompting this from Simon McMahon:

“I wonder how Dijon will get on against PSG? I’m keen as mustard to find out. PSG may be hot, but Dijon’s whole (grain) hearted approach could allow them to ‘ketchup’ with the leaders...”

Tammy Abraham’s fifth goal of the season gives Swansea some breathing space, the striker popping up to prod the ball home after Jordan Ayew had done the hard work.

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Well. Young debutant Tom Edwards whips in a cross and Diouf gets his head to it. It’s flying wide, but cannons off Kyle Walker and bounces into the net!

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Mauricio Pochettino must have got his message across in the Wembley dressing room. Christian Eriksen fires home to ease home fans’ nerves.

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In Scotland, Celtic are being held by Dundee while Aberdeen lead at Hibs, thanks to Gary Mackay-Steven. Steve Clarke will like what he sees, the new Kilmarnock manager watching as his team lead at Partick. Elsewhere, it’s Hamilton 1-1 Motherwell and Ross County 1-1 Hearts.

Championship

Barnsley 2-1 Middlesbrough
Bolton 1-0 Sheffield Wednesday
Brentford 0-0 Millwall
Fulham 0-2 Preston
Leeds United 0-0 Reading
Norwich City 0-1 Hull City
Sheffield United 0-0 Ipswich Town
Sunderland 0-1 QPR

League One

Bristol Rovers 0-0 Oxford United
Bury 2-1 Bradford
Charlton 1-0 Doncaster
Fleetwood 1-0 Rochdale
Northampton 0-0 Wimbledon
Oldham 0-0 Blackburn
Peterborough 0-1 Gillingham
Plymouth 0-0 Shrewsbury
Portsmouth 2-0 Milton Keynes
Rotherham 1-0 Scunthorpe
Walsall 1-0 Blackpool
Wigan 1-0 Southend

League Two

Accrington 1-0 Coventry
Chesterfield 0-1 Morecambe
Colchester 0-0 Carlisle
Forest Green 0-2 Newport
Grimsby 0-0 Crawley
Lincoln 0-0 Cambridge
Luton 3-1 Stevenage
Mansfield 0-2 Swindon
Notts County 1-0 Barnet
Port Vale 1-0 Cheltenham
Wycombe 0-0 Exeter
Yeovil 1-0 Crewe

Karim Benzema barrels into the box and fires into the bottom left corner, and Real lead just before half-time.

Thiago Alcantara has put Bayern 3-0 up over Freiburg, while Hertha Berlin, a man down at half-time against Schalke, have gone behind to a Leon Goretzka penalty. Mainz lead Hamburg 3-1, and Ben Hubner has put Hoffenheim ahead against Augsburg.

It’s been a quiet first half in Getafe so far, save for a pitch invader in full kit:

Burnley 0-1 West Ham
Crystal Palace 2-1 Chelsea (!)
Manchester City 3-1 Stoke City
Tottenham 0-0 Bournemouth
Swansea City 1-0 Huddersfield Town

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Palace are back in front, and it’s the returning Wilfried Zaha who gets it! Mamadou Sakho bustles Willian off the ball and plays a through pass to Zaha, who finishes with the requisite aplomb. Selhurst Park is rocking again.

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Stoke pull one back! Diouf cuts inside Delph and sees his low, angled shot deflected into the net.

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A most welcome goal for Swansea, and it’s a gift from visiting keeper Jonas Lossl. His pass out from the back is as shocking as Huddersfield’s away kit and Tom Carroll pounces, setting up Tammy Abraham for his fourth of the season.

Another injury blow for Chelsea, as Victor Moses picks up what looks like a hamstring injury. He’s replaced by Davide Zappacosta. In the Championship, Nouha Dicko has fired Hull ahead against Norwich, and – oh dear – QPR lead 1-0 at Sunderland. Idrissa Sylla has got the goal.