It was the day before deadline day, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring not even a PAUL POGBA TO CHELSEA FOR £70m. Yes, it’s the tittle-tattle equivalent of Christmas Eve, with super agents playing the role of Santa Claus and your new My Little Pony all set to throw a wobbly if it doesn’t end up in the stocking it wants.
Just one more sleep! And Manchester United have got into the festive spirit by launching a £36m bid for Monaco striker Anthony Martial. No, us neither. But according to The Internet he’s a 19-year-old striker who has just received his first call-up to the France squad and scored nine goals in Ligue 1 last season, making him the joint 16th highest scorer (alongside, among others, former West Ham flop Modibo Maïga) in the French top flight in 2014-15. Javier Hernández, on the other hand, is heading to Bayer Leverkusen for £12m.
Schalke’s Julian Draxler, like Furby and Buzz Lightyear before him, is this year’s must-have gift. Wolfsburg have £50m or so burning a hole in their pocket and are ready to splash out on the Germany winger but they face competition from Juventus and, possibly, Arsenal.
Things that were popular in 2007 include YouTube videos of a herd of buffalo fighting a pride of lions fighting a crocodile and a man shouting “Leave Britney alone!”, Flight of the Conchords, the first iPhone, and Alexandre Pato, but only one of those could be heading to the Premier League. We’ll let you decide which but Tottenham may face competition from Manchester United, who are all over this deadline day eve like a well-aimed party popper.
Anyone wanting a late bargain could do worse than heading down to the QPR fire sale. West Brom quite fancy reigniting a move for Matt Phillips, West Ham want Rob Green, and Swansea are mulling over a move for Junior Hoillett. Bournemouth and Crystal Palace (and, in some of the more obscure tendrils of grapevine, Manchester United) are the latest to be linked with Charlie Austin.
West Ham and Porto are set to do battle over Midtjylland forward and Denmark Under-21 international Pione Sisto and hope to wrap up a deal for Hull’s Nikica Jelavic too.
Bournemouth’s Eddie Howe has left out some cookies and a glass of milk and gone up to bed, hoping that by morning someone will have left him a Jonathan de Guzmán by the tree.