Peep peep! That’s a good win for Chelsea, with Willian and Cesc Fabregas looking really sharp and Michy Batshuayi scoring two cracking goals. Arsenal were rusty, and Arsene Wenger is a lucky man if he survives this defeat. Thanks for your company, bye!

90+4 min Baker’s free-kick is ostentatiously saved by the flying Martinez, and that’s it.

90+3 min Koscielny compounds his own error by hoofing Baker up in the air on the edge of the box. A free-kick for Chelsea, 20 yards from goal, and it’ll probably be the final kick of the game...

90 min “As an Arsenal fan, I’m quite happy to see how well Chelsea’s young ones are doing,” says Anmol Soin. “This is the only football they get to play outside of Vitesse. Very proud.”

88 min This is Arsenal’s best spell of the match. Yes, I am conscious of how ridiculous that statement sounds when they are 3-0 down in a pre-season friendly.

86 min Malen smashes a shot off the outside of the post after a very good run from Nelson.

84 min Giroud has looked pretty sharp for Arsenal, more so than Lacazette, though he received nothing resembling decent service.

81 min “Hey Rob,” says JR in Illinois. “You should just stick around and MBM the Liverpool-Leicester game which has just gone to halftime. Alberto Moreno came on a few minutes ago. I hadn’t realised how much I missed his absurd, massive thigh tattoo of a monkey wearing a suit and headphones and holding a gun until just now.”

I had no idea Alberto Moreno was still a thing.

80 min The game is petering out. Chelsea have a lot of youngsters on now.

77 min “Geese,” says Matt Emerson. “They’re all geese.”

75 min Baker hares away from Kolasinac, who throws him to the ground and is booked. He’ll pick up a few cards this season. There’s an endearingly oafish element to his defending.

73 min Fabregas has had a fine game. He drills another lovely crossfield pass, left to right, that is taken beautifully in his stride by Tomori. He surges away from Iwobi drives a low shot that is kicked away by Ospina.

68 min Substitutions galore. No, I’m not going to list them all, because I can’t keep track of them all. I do know that the Man of the Match Willian has gone off. He has looked so sharp today; it’s nice to see after a difficult 2016-17 season.

66 min Alonso’s cross reaches the other wing-back Moses, who chests it down and hits a shot that is blocked by Kolasinac. Crikey, he’s a unit.

63 min David Luiz drives another brilliant ball from back to front, down the inside-right channel. Willian beats Elneny to it and rattles a fierce half-volley that is excellently saved by the diving Ospina.

62 min Ozil plays another beautiful, insouciant pass to put Giroud clear of the defence. He faffs and is crowded out.

61 min Giroud stabs a cross too close to the substitute keeper Willy Caballero.

60 min Here’s Charles Antaki. “The good thing about the officials letting on Olivier Giroud, even though he’s not on the team sheet, is that it sets a precedent for Wenger to also send on Vic Akers, Steve Bould, Lady Nina Bracewell-Smith and three Chinese ballboys. That will explain away the upcoming 8-0 debâcle.”

58 min After all kinds of faffing over whether the wall is 10 yards, Giroud smashes a low free-kick into that wall. Arsenal keep the ball alive and Ramsey fresh-airs a decent chance from Ozil’s precise square pass; Giroud stabs the ball back to Coquelin, who slashes a first-time shot just over the bar from 20 yards.

55 min Welbeck is fouled by David Luiz a couple of millimetres outside the box. Arsenal have a free-kick in the D...

54 min Batshuayi fouls the substitute Elneny, who waves an imaginary card at the referee. That’s the pre-season spirit!

50 min “I’m sure you’re right about Chelsea having more desire (most Arsenal players only really want more followers on “Insta” these days) but are they not fielding more like a 1st team?” says Brendan O’Sullivan.

Yes, that’s true, although six or seven of Arsenal’s best XI – if such a thing exists any more - started the game.

This is another cracking goal from Batshuayi. Fabregas drove a superb crossfield pass to Alonso, who beat Oxlade-Chamberlain with ease and clipped the ball back to the edge of the area. It was perfectly weighted for Bathshuayi to hit first time, and he crashed it into the roof of the net with his left foot.

48 min Ramsey curls a fine pass over the defence for Giroud, who just fails to connect with an attempted volley on the stretch. As Matthew Upson says on ITV, he should probably have gone for a Keith Houchen rather than an acrobatic volley.

47 min “I take it that spoons are the only cutlery available in the ironic pie shop,” says David Wall, “when all you need is a knife.”

No cutlery. All you’re allowed to use is your face.

46 min Eventually Olivier Giroud is allowed to come on and Arsenal begin the second half. There have been a load of substitutions, and I’ve lost track of them already. Sorry.

Friendly farce Arsenal want to bring on Olivier Giroud. He’s not on the official teamsheet, however, so the officials won’t allow him onto the pitch. This is hilarious. Arsene Wenger is about to pay tribute to Jack Charlton and John Aldridge at USA 94.

That’s half time. Chelsea have wanted it a lot more than Arsenal, which is a slightly confusing thing to say about a pre-season game, and the result reflects that. See both of you in 10 minutes for the second half.

45+3 min Courtois makes an excellent save from Ramsey, who chested down an imaginative curling pass from Oxlade-Chamberlain and blasted a half-volley at goal from a tight angle. Courtois reacted smartly to push it behind.

44 min Some of Arsenal’s defending today has been on the inadequate side of crap. Sad to say, a lot of the poor play has been from the young kids Bramall and Maitland-Niles.