If Everton fans were a dwarf they would definitely be Grumpy.

To be honest though, it’s tough to blame us.

The team is playing with no sense of cohesion in any aspect on the field, and some players frankly aren’t giving their all.

By the time someone realized the team’s calendars had been switched and the team had the epiphany that the season HAD actually started, Ronald Koeman was out the door, and David Unsworth was using a slotted spoon to bail water from a sinking ship.

Once Big Sam walked through the door and stabilized things, it felt like the ship was finally afloat and the team was heading in the right direction.

Unfortunately, fans have quickly learned that Sam’s answer was actually NOT to save our beloved ship. but rather evacuate the squad to his sturdy lifeboat: proven not to go down, but lacking any forward initiative.

Everton now stand facing a long stretch of games that (assuming they show up enough times to avoid any type of relegation scrap) will test the mettle of the players.

There is no glory to play for, only pride in oneself and the club.

My message to the players:

In fact...

Some players are on thin ice...*cough*.. Morgan.. *cough*....while the jury is still out on others.

Let’s see what they’ve got.

Until then though dear mailbag readers I say to YOU....

As always....you all never disappoint!

To the questions!

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First, let’s start with the rumors circulating that Ademola Lookman could be sent out on loan for the rest of the season.

To be frank, this whole situation stinks of Big Sam.

Lookman has obvious flaws, but also brings talents to the field that Everton are BADLY missing.

Mostly, dribbling.

Lookman is good at it.

Everton is not.

However, Big Sam obviously believes Lookman’s weaknesses are greater than the need to address the squad’s talent deficiencies.

The problem with that logic is that the Toffees haven’t exactly been shutting people down....AND the Toffees just shipped off their hardest-working winger, Aaron Lennon.

(Side note, definitely read this.)

So I for one would like to see Ade get a good run of games in the side, even if it as a super sub with a few starts sprinkled in.

It will give Ade time to knock off the bad habits and use the end of this campaign as a springboard for consideration as a regular starter in the 2018-2019 campaign.

My guess though?

Everton loan him to a low-level Premier League side..because you know......Everton.

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How funny is a fart in a space suit?

Happy to!!

First, let’s find out what happens when you fart in a space suit, as well as other basic bodily functions up in space, thanks to Gizmodo.

RFM: If you sneeze or fart hard enough can it propel you forward or backwards? And what’s farting in space like?

Astronaut Michael Massimino: Theoretically any propulsion like that could move you, but generally you react to it. Its’s not as propulsive as you would think. But if you’re really still and gave a good sneeze, that would give you a little kick, yes. People have thought, oh it would be a funny thing to fart around the space station. It’s easier said then done.

As far as farting, sometimes your diet isn’t the way it should be. You’re a little stuffed up, you might not be able to go to the bathroom, and it leads to more gas. But farts can kind of hang out. There’s not as much airflow as on Earth. You gotta introduce airflow to get rid of contaminants and carbon dioxide. We kind of have that going on too in space. The nice thing to do is to go to the restroom where there’s more ventilation to take the odor away. Probably similar to the way it happens on Earth, if you have to do it, either you do it in private or get people mad at you. That’s the kind of thing that can lead to crew disharmony.

Now of course I have a vision of a fart cloud just hanging around in the air, as the crew avoid it like vomit on the floor of a store.

So, without major fart propulsion quality (though there appears to be quantity) happening while in the suit (as Massimino said, probably due to the diet), the hilarity in that particular situation would then be derived from smelling your own fart, and act which most people tend to enjoy anyways, meaning it’s not that funny at all.

For the record, John Bishop is quite unfunny, and you are right.

He’s as funny as a fart in a space suit.

Anyways, I don’t think it will be long until his career ends up like the Apollo mission:

Over.

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You know, sometimes fans have an overblown sense of how good a player was the further they get from said player’s career.

This is not one of those times.

Hey Mikel....

While wishing the former play maker back into the team certainly can’t happen....

(Though even he would probably improve the Toffees’ pace)

...maybe there IS a spot for the former Toffee back at Goodison?

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I don’t want the Toffees to go off the rails and appoint someone who has never been a first team coach, especially after Rhino’s time at the helm, but Arteta is putting in the time under Pep Guardiola and there is no reason to believe he doesn’t have the highest aspirations when it comes to managing.

This summer may be too soon for Arteta to take the reins for the Toffees, but it’s definitely something I see happening.

One day.

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Talented player may still be talented???

Seriously....give the man a run.

What’s the worst that happens??

We don’t score?

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Amen!!

Hopefully a healthy Yannick Bolasie and a renewed Theo Walcott can provide the service Cenk Tosun needs to get off the mark.

Even when we DO get the ball into the box, there is normally only one player in the danger area.

Last game alone, there were more than five crosses that passed through the box without any Toffees player getting even a sniff of the ball.

Hopefully the aforementioned duo (and Ade???) can give midfielders the confidence that if they get into the box the ball will be put into a dangerous area for them to attack.

As for Sam Allardyce, the enthusiasm has certainly waned hasn’t it?

Check him out on the touchline last match:

While I can’t confirm his identity 100%, I’m pretty sure that’s him.

I would never ask a manager to be something other than what they truly are, it is also the managers responsibility to adapt to whatever situation they find themselves in (or create on their own).

Sam needs to let players know that if they have any plans on being around Goodison for a while that they better shape up or they will be shipped out.

The problem??

Big Sam may be shipped out himself, which means that his words may not hold very much weight when being used in a threatening manner.

Fans are quietly (and not so quietly) hoping that the Allardyce era ends shortly after the end of the current campaign and the Toffees identify a manager they trust for the long-term (and least in the short-term).

While I am not confident the board has the cojones to pull the trigger and fire Sam, I AM confident if they don’t the Toffees are destined to continue to exist in Premier League purgatory (or worse).

So Farhad... a message about firing Sam.... from the fans:

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Let’s end on a high note!

Seriously.....how can you not LOVE this guy??

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TOFFEE TUNES

The season may be a downer, but this album can pick you up!

MoonTaxi is one of the most consistent bands out there and I eagerly anticipated the release of this album.

It doesn’t disappoint.

Right from the jump, the album draws you in and gets you moving.

You know what??

Here’s a taste.

It’s not my FAVORITE track, but it’s still great.

Moon Taxi

Favorite Track: Let the Record Play