Tottenham's organic lipbalm, an Aston Villa dog, another garish Anfield garment and the wrong trousers... Sportsmail's club-by-club guide to dodgy Father's Day gifts

By Adam Shergold for MailOnline

Published: 03:24 EDT, 14 June 2013 | Updated: 07:47 EDT, 14 June 2013

Faux pas: How many Arsenal fans will be spotted wearing these while walking down Holloway Road?

With the countdown to the new season underway, fans up and down the country are flocking to get their hands on the latest kit and merchandise in their club's colours.

But even the most ardent Arsenal fan would find it hard to bring themselves to wear these Theo Walcott-inspired jeans.

Complete with the Nike swoosh, club badge and Fly Emirates logo on the crotch, and Walcott’s name and number on the backside, they are the creation of London artist Duval Timothy.

At the moment, they're only available to 'appreciate' in a Shoreditch art exhibition but perhaps they’ll prove popular enough to feature in the Arsenal merchandise catalogue soon.

In the meantime, we've been inspired to dig out some of the best (or should that be worst?) club tat.

Aston Villa

At points last season, supporting Aston Villa verged on cruelty - but there’s really no need to bring animals into it.

Still, this claret and blue doggy door stop wins cuteness points.

Cuddly toy: Dogged Villa have found the best way to comfort father's around the midlands

Cardiff City

As they embark on their first season in the Premier League, Cardiff know they’ll need all the good fortune they can get. So let’s hope their fans fork out £40 for these lucky charm bracelets.

Sparkling: Cardiff will hope they don't have to live a charmed life in their first Premier League season

Chelsea

Going quick in the Chelsea shop clearance sale! This matching set of a bright blue Chelsea kettle and toaster is a must-have for any kitchen... 

Pot kettle: Jose need look no further than the Chelsea sop if he needs to refurnish his London home

Crystal Palace

Not sure this familiar motto - which is absolutely anywhere at the moment - even works in this context...!

Mugs! These Palace cups can be personalised - although I'm not sure you'd want to

Everton

For reasons unknown, pretty much every club have a gnome or two in their merchandise catalogues, but at Everton they’re even allowed to go on a summer holiday!

Cheeky chappy: This Everton gnome has been given the summer off

Fulham

Good grief, this image will take some forgetting about...

Oh Mo! Al-Fayed forms part of this rather disturbing piece of memorabilia

Hull City

These two items are staples on mantelpieces right across Humberside I’m sure...

What the Hull is that? These two little trinkets will be very popular in East Yorkshire

Liverpool

Because sales of the absolutely hideous Anfield shirt were so brisk, Liverpool rushed out an equally awful reversible bomber jacket and had the cheek to price it at £40. If it’s reversible, we wonder what the inside is like - a cream colour like those 1996 FA Cup Final suits? Still, kudos to anyone who can pull off the jacket-shirt combination...

Kop that: This Liverpool bomber jacket is a classic for the annals of worst ever sportswear

Manchester City

For when you can’t make it down to the Etihad and have to watch the match on TV, then the Man City inflatable beer bucket is a must-have companion.

Beer bucket: Manchester City know how fathers like to spend their summers

Manchester United

Because you’re not a true United fan if you don’t shave with the official club razors...

Razor sharp: No self-respecting United fan could ever go on holiday without a club shaver

Newcastle United

Following the success of 'Whey Aye Man' and 'Toon Tottie', Newcastle’s latest fancy dress offering is a black and white skintight costume. Luckily it covers the face too, in case there’s a repeat of last season’s brush with relegation. 

Fashion statement: Newcastle fans won't be seen dead without one of these... or would they?

Norwich City

The opportunity to buy Delia’s latest cook book aside, the Norwich club shop also features the chance to own an £8 Canaries tape measure. Who on earth feels the need to buy a club tape measure? 

Think again: Some Norwich fans have been saying they can't measure their recent success

Southampton

Ouch! This retro-style ball should probably not be used in the back garden...

Dressed in leather: Probably best not to try a game of five-a-side with this round marble

Stoke City

This is excellent - someone has imagined the Stoke City squad, in cartoon form, playing darts in the pub... and then printed it on a mug. Looks like Michael Owen is about to hit the bullseye on the back of Peter Crouch’s head. 

Relief: Michael Owen can enjoyed a relaxed Father's Day, without the worry of sitting on a bench

Sunderland

You’ve just signed for Sunderland... and Paolo looks delighted to see you!

Tipped to be a legend: Are you the man to change Sunderland's fortunes?

Swansea City

A set of personalised Swansea City car mats? Yes, you need these in your life.

Priceless? A set of car mats. Mid life crisis?

Tottenham Hotspur

'Chapped, stingy, flakey lips making you sad? Get the Spurs Strawberry Flavoured Organic Lip Balm and turn that frown upside down,' says the blurb for this one.

Lip balm: Whether Gareth Bale stays or goes, survive the saga with this organic product

West Bromwich Albion

As everyone rushes out to the beach this summer, make your presence felt with this blow-up Baggies shirt.

Plenty of air: Why buy a real shirt when you can get an inflatable one?

West Ham United

West Ham offer a club crest wheelie bin sticker... all good if your bin man supports the Hammers, otherwise it could end up in the next street.

Letdown: Unfortunately the bin doesn't come with the sticker