The Hunger Games: ‘Ashley is calling the wrong Toon at Newcastle’
Ian 'The Moose' Abrahams brings us his latest tales of football, famous folk and free pies...
It’s been quite a couple of weeks since my last entry - one which landed me in the Portsmouth News, and shaking my head at Newcastle’s latest anti-press policy
I was so happy to arrive at Selhurst Park on Saturday, after last week suffering - and almost starving (Mmmm, we doubt that! - Ed) - on the south-coast at Portsmouth. No food and an average game at Fratton Park meant there was more about me in the local paper [complaining about the lack of grub] than there was about the 1-1 draw with Mansfield.
Then came the news from my north-east colleague Graham Courtney that Newcastle owner Mike Ashley has decreed there will be no more food for the press at St James’ Park. He knows how to keep the media onside, that fella!
So, Newcastle go straight to the bottom of my Premier League Food Table (they could be on for a double there - the first team in one season to finish bottom of two Premier League tables!)
Anyway, I was comforted to see the new Palace Media Centre afforded me a lovely hot meal (two helpings), pastries (x2) and, at half-time, sandwiches and pies (again x2). (Double bubble all round, what a shock! - Ed)
There was some ridicule before the game against Chelsea with Mark Bright, Palace legend, an overused word but not on this occasion, scoffing not at the pre-match grub but instead at my assertion Neil Warnock could have learned something from spending months sat alongside me while at talkSPORT (apparently, Warnock was not available for comment! - Ed)
I reported on the game alongside another former Palace goal machine in Stan Collymore. Stan made a fundamental error at half-time of turning down the offer of a pie. By the time the former England international changed his mind, said pie had been delivered to its rightful place - inside my belly! It’s not often I offer food to someone (you don’t say! - Ed). That’s a mistake Stan won’t be making again.
Stan, of course, presented the excellent Call Collymore following the match at Selhurst Park on Saturday and I was sent off to get guests. Having bagged Warnock, I went hunting for someone to offer a Chelsea viewpoint… and ended up finding a row with a steward.
A gaggle of reporters were gathered in the mixed zone, an area outside in the wind and the cold where we try to get players to stop and talk to us. I made my way towards the stairs down to the mixed zone, only to have my path blocked by a steward, who asked where I was going. The temptation to give a sarcastic answer, like, “Where do you think I’m going, Jamaica?” (Ah, that famous biting wit! - Ed) was resisted and I explained I was heading down to join the assembled press corp.
He said I couldn’t and a debate began, with my good self eventually emerging as the winner - just.
I have since ensured this will not happen again - a bit like me going to Newcastle until Mr Ashley brings back the free lunches…