When the Mill was being trained up for its noble profession – learning the ropes, making the tea, answering its superiors politely – it was told, in the faintest of whispers, of a higher calling. Football is of no consequence, it rasped. Just 11 men kicking a ball around, you know. No satisfaction in it for you. No money. Understand all this and you, my boy, will be OK. You’ll get the rewards in time. We’ll make a Mario Balotelli Journalist of you yet.
And we can touch it now, taste it, almost feel it – and if it wasn’t for Ignazio Abate getting in the way we’d be lathering ourselves in milk and honey already. The Milan right-back is making a spirited landgrab for those Liverpool transfer headlines, the Mirror suggesting that he could be brought in as a possible replacement for Glen Johnson. And if not he, then perhaps Crystal Palace’s Joel Ward. This is a all mere bump in the road, not career suicide. Besides – we all know who else used to play for Milan, don’t we?
Not Karim Bellarabi, sadly, so in a more blatant abdication of responsibilities we have more news from the Mirror that most of the Premier League – including Liverpool, and did you know they might want to freshen up their attack in January? – are keen on the Bayer Leverkusen winger. Joining this thoroughly eligible line of suitors are Manchester United, Arsenal, Spurs, Manchester City and Newcastle – a sequence that includes something known as bathos.
What Mario needs – what we need too – is a new goalkeeper for him to score past! And here is one. Víctor Valdés has been spotted at Manchester United’s HQ by the world, his wife and people with no close relationship to the world whatsoever. Louis van Gaal is keen to see how he’s shaping up after his knee ligament injury – and he could wind up as cover, or even very close competition, for David de Gea. All of this after he had been closely linked with a move to, yes, Liverpool.
More ’keeper news. This time it’s Petr Cech, whose days at Chelsea seem numbered and who, if Talksport are to be believed, might be up for joining rhythm guitar’s Slaven Bilic at what might have been known 20 years ago as Crack Turkish Side Besiktas.
Let’s bring this back to the subject of strikers who may not be playing too much football in the foreseeable future. No, not him – this time it’s Javier Hernández separating us from our objet d’amour. He’s played just four times for Real Madrid during his loan spell from Manchester United but his seated posture has made such an impression on Carlo Ancelotti that apparently the manager wants to get him signed up permanently, pronto.
Not a single Balotelli rumour there. So if you’ll excuse us, now, we’ve got a job to do.